Tattoo: To be rather than to seem
When meeting people, the most dependable discussion points tend to be around my tattoos. Each comes with its own story of why, when, and where. Every one is a part of my story that I want to wear, share.
While these tattoos were collected at specific periods in my life, I’m writing from a different one. I’ve been trying to write the story of my first tattoo over the past two weeks but, because of what’s happening in North Carolina, it’s been difficult to share my rose-colored vision of the future from five years ago.
The what
Esse quam videri was adapted as the North Carolina State Motto in 1893, quoted from Cicero’s essay on Friendship.
The original translation (as far as Google Translate can help) reads, “For many wish not so much to be rather than to seem to be.” But, the State Motto reads, “To be rather than to seem.” It’s become a core belief, being rather than seeming. Looking back, I recognize I haven’t always achieved it all the time. Yet, I persist. If I persist long enough, I’ll get it one day.
In the summer of 2011, I was developing an idea of independence. I had to plod along, accepting the reality that I had control over my life and I was responsible for the decisions that influenced it. There was no default, like in University, where I could accidentally fall into things to fill my time. I had to learn to actively pursue things I wanted to do: choose to read at home, learn to make things, play disc golf, cook lots and lots of dumplings, hang out with friends, join a book club, organize events. We aren’t what we do, but our actions form who we choose to be. Choosing who I’d rather be than seem to, that’s what Esse quam videri represented to me.
The why
It was around the time I received my first paycheck, from my first job after graduating University. I had just moved into the first apartment where I lived on my own, for the first time ever. I was in a new town, starting my career as a designer in the “real world.” It was filled with firsts. I wanted to keep hold of that moment, preserving. I understand, memories are remembered and not the thing associated with it. But, I wanted to wear those memories, stories; stories to be seen, asked about, shared.
At this point, I had fallen in love with North Carolina.
I grew up at the beach, riddled with hurricanes and dependent on the tourists that came in yearly droves. In Fall, my family went on trips to Boone and Blowing Rock with our church. Golds, yellows, oranges, and greens speckled the landscape in a continuum of rhythmic color. Comparing to Europe, I’ve since learned, North Carolina is big. We’d drive seven hours from Wilmington to Blowing Rock and we’d still be in the same state. We traveled past a diverse collection of crops, universities, animals, cultures, food, music, dialects, and a ecological diversity that I feel unmatched in any of the (few) states I’ve been to.
Now, why has it taken a few weeks to write about my first tattoo? North Carolina continues to challenge my original concept and idea of what the State represents:
- In March, 2016, the Public Facilities Privacy and Security Act, or HB2, was passed. It makes into law that one may only use the toilet or public facilities of the gender that’s marked on your birth certificate. My continued education in privilege, listening to other’s stories, and perfectly clear invasion of privacy challenge: this is not right.
- After the optimism, liberal, diversity embracing vote of 2008, North Carolina voted for Donald Trump in 2016. The counties that I formed a stronger identity and my own person kept in line with how I see North Carolina, Wake and Durham counties.
- We can’t blame the voters too much, well the voters this time around. Earlier this year, a few weeks before the election, a federal court found that the North Carolina legislative districts were unconstitutional and results of illegal racial gerrymandering. (Gerrymandering is: manipulate the boundaries of ‘an electoral constituency’ so as to favor one party or class.)
- Governor Pat McCrory has decided not to concede to the popular vote winning and Governor Elect, Roy Cooper.
- Monthly news of illegal shootings of another African American. Keith Scott. Akiel Denkins. Jaqwan Terry. Frank Clark. And this is in North Carolina alone.
- North Carolina Congressman got on television, in front of the world, saying, “…they hate white people because white people are successful and they’re not…It is a welfare state. We have spent trillions of dollars on welfare, and we’ve put people in bondage, so they can’t be all they’re capable of being.” (Source).
- A professor at the University of North Carolina trolling his students on Twitter with, “misogynistic, xenophobic, transphobic, homophobic, racist rhetoric.”
This continued news has made me reflect, does that love for my home state still hold true?
In direct contrast to the current affairs, when I got my first tattoo, there was a distinct difference in the social and political environment in the United States. North Carolina in particular.
The font
Every tattoo has a continued link between its story and design. My first is no different than any other.
The font: Gotham by Hoefler & Frere-Jones (now Hoefler & Co). It was inspired by the no-nonsense American vernacular. Originally for GQ magazine, it won it’s renown for being the font that Obama used for his first presidential campaign in 2008.
For me, it’s one of the fonts that represents my generation of Americans. I have friends that have only had Barack Obama as president throughout their voting lives. He was the first President I voted for. His administration represents an advancement towards equality and representation of the diverse United States as the first African American. For the first time, health care would be accessible to many people who previously had no access or opportunity. A lifelong declaration of love to some, regardless of sexual orientation, became legal (something the Netherlands has had since 2001, by the way). And there’s plenty more. Granted, not everything was great. Not everything was good. Not everything has been acceptable in the least. But the social strides are something to talk about.
This was the time that I got my first tattoo. In 2011, when Americans still riding the waves and, “Change we can believe in.” And change that was underway.
And, all that said
Esse quam videri or To be rather than to seem, represents a point in time that I started identifying as a North Carolinian because of the values I saw and felt it represented. I was living in cities that helped me fall in love with the state—the nature, diversity, beer, weather, language, history—as a whole. No only, I continued having “firsts” that have continued to guide and shape my story to who I am today.
This post took me a couple of weeks to write as I struggled to find what to say about then in contrast to now. Ultimately, this first tattoo has provided a continued, living snapshot of me at a specific point in time. I’ve since matured, but the mark, and belief in its value, remains.
To answer my question, yes. The love for North Carolina remains. But, it’s not blind. And it can compromise, but it’s gone a bit too far. It’s complicated.
